I asked Amy to occasionally guest blog, and add her perspective of my journey to the blog. I think you'll love her. I certainly do.
Dispatches from land:
When Scott began this blog, he suggested that (along with keeping the home fires burning) I might occasionally guest blog for him. I delayed my first installment for too long -- even though my drive home sometimes feels like I'm navigating the shipping lane at Patapsco, nothing I do seems as adventurous as his travels. So he suggested I write up a topic we've chatted about for a while: the culture of the marina.
A caveat - I am a sociologist, but I don't really study this sort of thing. More importantly, I know slightly more than nothing about boats. I can count the number of days I've spent on boats on one hand (with a thumb left over). For one of those days, a few years ago, I spent most of the time below deck, violently ill. For another one of those days, I was in a Dramamine-induced catatonia. But I did spend a handful of days reading novels on the deck of Scott's boat while he worked on it in the marina. During this time, I noticed one big thing about marina life: women are pretty much invisible there.
It's not surprising that the marina is a male space. Like sports cars, comic books and video games, boats seem to fall in the category of boy-stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do know there are exceptions. I love the PlayStation2 my brother gave me, but when I go into a game store to shop for something new, I am usually the only woman there. In the marina, men outnumber women, and we didn't come across any boats with only women owners. Even among the married couples who were living aboard, the men were out and about, and we saw the women only occasionally. But even accounting for that, initial interactions with people always struck me as strange.
The standard interaction with a new person went like this: A man from a nearby boat would walk by on the pier, and introduce himself to Scott and talk about the boat. Not a word, a nod, or even eye contact in my direction until Scott introduced me. Once introduced, the other man would say hello, maybe add a little small talk, and all was fine.
In later interactions, once I had been introduced, these were the nicest people possible, warm and generous. A couple men in particular helped Scott with a lot of repairs, shared tools and conversation, and even had us over for a barbecue.
One possibility I've suggested to Scott is that the boat is seen as a potential bachelor pad for the men. You might bring your girlfriend, your wife, your mistress, or all of the above at different times. In my mind, the other men in the marina intentionally ignore me as a way of giving him that privacy and freedom. A little like a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for the marina. Once Scott introduces me to them, he legitimizes my presence, in essence, signaling to them, "you'll be seeing her around, and it's no secret."
Cap'n Salty Dog (as I affectionately refer to him) disagrees with me. He recently wrote to me, "I think it's more that the boat is the woman. The primary relationship on the water is between the guy and the boat. It's like guys and cars, or you girls at the beach house having your nail painting party. You just aren't relevant in that environment. If anything, the woman is the third wheel."
Now that we've got an audience of boaters, I'd love to hear what others think... Comments anyone?
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Illustrious Professor, Dr. Amy
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14 comments:
I think you've nailed it Amy, regarding the environment at a marina. But I also think that you both have a little bit of the truth about the origins of it.
See, I can be diplomatic too (but it's really what I think).
I think you've nailed it Amy, regarding the environment at a marina. But I also think that you both have a little bit of the truth about the origins of it.
See, I can be diplomatic too (but it's really what I think).
Sorry for the double post. Something new in posting comments re word verification.
Yeah - I think we're both a little right too, but don't tell Scott.
(that was me)
I can hear you.
Scott
What an interesting posting! It made me really think. I am a woman, living in a marina, and having passed through many marinas (for the last 5 ½ years). I really can’t say that I have experienced the “being discretely ignored” that Amy has felt. I tried to understand why that might be? It is true that I am not “normal” in many ways/circumstances. Firstly my husband often tends to avoid marina chatter, so the other folks generally know to leave him at whatever he is doing; while I am always asking questions and “poking my nose in”. Then I’m English, so I guess somewhat of a novelty in an American marina, but even in England I was often a lone woman in a man’s world (e.g. studied Physics in the 1980’s) – so to some extent, maybe (?) I have learned to ignore/bypass that whole man/woman issue. I suspect I would not sit quietly waiting to be introduced.
I also suspect that if I had a boat question, I would ask the person working on the boat, rather than someone clearly just hanging out, but not involved directly working on the boat. Of course I would acknowledge the other person, but probably not really engage.
That being said, I like my boat being at the end of a dock – out of the way of passers -by. That way when I am working on my boat I am left to work on it (or just hanging out/relaxing). I often find it distracting to have a stream of “helpful” comments from every passerby. What varnish are you using? Etc. Every passer-by has an opinion and a comment, which is not necessarily welcome when you are hanging upside down in a locker. BUT when you are in a marina, and on a boat, every passer by generally DOES also have a boat, and therefore an interest in what you are doing. I am not shy to ask if I think there is something I can learn, or something that I know/expect I may also have to do soon. Kyle (my husband) and I deliberately dock out boat bow in, so we can hang out in the cockpit with a little more privacy from passers-by like myself!
So given everyone at the marina has an interest in boats, boating conversations are the “fair” order of the day. And although people have no hesitation in interrupting me when I’m working on the boat, I think they would give me my time if I was engrossed in a book (always a safe bet at the airport to avoid conversation too). So maybe it is not the male/female issue? But the boater/non-boater issue? Boating conversations at a marina, can lead to great friendships, at which point the boating link is incidental and conversation becomes broader (at which point the non-boater becomes a larger player?).
I showed Kyle your posting also, to get his perspective. While he does agree there are more men in marinas (more women in malls), he thinks it is the activity of boat repair that attracts the conversation, while the sunbathers/book readers give off a “don’t disturb me vibe”. There is a woman boat owner in our marina, and whenever her non-boating boyfriend is aboard, the situation is often reversed (he is left out of the conversation unless he actively participates), e.g. while she is painting the deck, and he is grilling fish.
Kyle also had a good point: Because we both live on the boat, if I heard Kyle chatting with someone out on the deck, I would pop my head out and join in. Perhaps that is because I think “who has come to visit US”? I consider myself as much as a sailor as anyone else, and therefore interested in the conversation. In the boating environment Kyle and I are more equal. If I was with Kyle at his main environment (planes) – I would probably phase out of any “aeronautical” conversation and leave them to it! So it probably is the topic (Kyle would not want to talk databases with any of my co-workers either!)
While, Amy, maybe you feel still more like a visitor to the boat and wait for a formal introduction?
So – topic and environment (I think) is more relevant here than man/woman divide. Although, we do know a few guys that do indeed seem to have a different woman every time we see them at the boat!!! So there is certainly some truth to your comments.
Scott – “nail painting parties”?
(fixed a mistake in my previous comment.)
Maryanne- Wow, thanks for the thoughtful response. Too bad I'm not on the boat with Scott, I think I'd really enjoy hanging out with you!
I think you make an interesting point about the relevance of man/woman versus boater/non-boater. I think Scott will attest that in most situations I am no shrinking violet. But I also am clearly not a boater (whether we blame the structure of my inner ears or my midwestern upbringing), and you're right that this is probably pretty clear in how I'm presenting myself on the boat. I also do think that there is still at least some assumption that boater = male, and that you may bypass this by being very clearly involved and competent in boating life.
I think an experiment may be in order the next time I am on the boat with Scott in a new place. For one-third of the interactions, I'll do my usual thing and Scott will do his. For the next third, Scott will be sitting on deck reading a book or working on his computer, and I'll be futzing with the boat. And for the final third, we should be doing boating or non-boating things. And then we'll see...
Amy, do I really have to be a guinea pig in your sociology experiments? ;)
Maryanne, you'll have to ask Amy about the nail painting party. The guys were banned from the house during it.
Amy - Cool - I love an experiment, do let me know how it goes. :-)
On further thought, I'm all in favor of this experiment. Instead of Amy sitting on the boat, reading a novel while I work, she will be helping me two thirds of the time. And a third of the time I'm going to be sitting on my butt watching her work. You are going to wear your bikini while you work, right Amy?
At the rate things are breaking on the boat, I'm sure there will be plenty of work when I reach Florida. I hope this experiment lasts a long time.
Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Pervert.
But seriously, you know I'm always willing to help. This is starting to make me sound like some sort of dainty and spoiled thing!
I just couldn't leave this alone. I have owned sail boats three of them and had my share of marina life.
There is a culture of sorts in a Marina. There are various classes and sub-groups. There are the absent owners group, no one knows them no one seems to care to know them unless their boat is causing them a problem.
There are the power boaters, mostly turn the key and go crowd with a hearty party streak or speed streak. They are known as stink potters.
Then there are sailors (sailboat owners) they are know as rag baggers. These two groups have gripes about one another and each in some way feels superior.
Then there are the live aboarders they can be either power or sail. They fall into several sub groups. The globe trotters, the seasonal migrants and the bums. Globe trotters are few and look very nautical without the fake capt's hats. The seasonal migrants usually have or had a land job and are taking a break from land to move their boat they can be either power or sail. The bums fall into two sub-groups one are those with a job or legit income and those whose income is unknown. The unknowns have the scruffy boat that looks like a wreck about to sink most marinas don't want them around as it spoils the view. The live aboards are tolerated as they are around and keep an eye on things and act as the marina operators eyes and ears.
Women fall into several groups within these groups. There are women owners, women co-owners with a husband boyfriend, women who are dates or as some call them deck ornaments.
I fall in the woman owner/Capt'n, as such I am tolerated by the guys but never accepted, unless they are in need of something like a tool or do something like move my boat so a repair or painting project won't become a problem. I am referred to the woman who owns the boat at #23.
This is a male society, they have their on customs and rituals only rarely are we considered as serious equals.
Except in one area .....money then we are equals and when I spend mine there I make damn sure I am treated equal.
I would guess that the men thought you were a deck ornament reading a book and being nicely attired etc.
The warmth doesn't increase that much if you have just cleaned out the bilge and changed the oil in the engine and look the part, a sort of quizzical look like "where's your ol' man?" Word gets around and they'll know what category you fit into. Gentlemen's rules "don't mess with another man's woman", hence the wait until your introduced sort of thing (quaint doesn't mean a thing).
Hang around the docks and learn even more interesting stuff, it's a world of its own.
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